The Fear

I have always loved writing. As far back as I can remember, its what I did. Hobbies and "passions" would come and go, but writing was a constant.

In elementary school, my stories were selected for published compilations. In fifth grade, I won an award for a speech writing/delivery competition. (Looking back I wonder what the judges thought about the 11 year old me delivering a speech about whether man had the humility to learn from the horrific results of dropping an atomic bomb versus others "My Day at Disney with Dad" speeches. Also, I used the word "unprecedented". It is entirely possible that other kids hated me.)

In a slam book from that same year, for the "what do you want to be" question, I answered "a writer".

In middle school I always opted for the extra credit writing assignments when they were offered, even if I didn't need the credit.

And in my AP English Comp class, one that was hated by many due to the very particular grading system our teacher used, I found I enjoyed the challenge of the daily writing assignments, demanding that we be interesting as well as understand the use of alliteration, parataxis and asyndeton.

So why, in my thirty something years, am I not promoting my next novel, or proudly pointing out my latest book in the Barnes and Noble window?

I'm afraid.

I've been in love with writing for so long. It's been there for me through every up and down. When life is hard, my notebook and I find a quiet spot in a tree or a coffee shop and get lost in each other. We cry together, laugh together, we understand each other; all without judgement.

I'm afraid of the third party. I'm afraid to introduce someone new to this relationship. Someone who might tell me that we aren't right for each other. That I'm not good enough. That I should move on.

So, do I continue on as I have, just sharing the surface of my relationship with writing, in blogs and occasional freelance projects, but keep the rest to myself? Or do I take a chance and really put it all out there?

I think I know the answer. It's just a matter of actually allowing myself to act.

It Begins!

As promised, today begins the "do the right thing" plan when it comes to eating and exercise. I have a few friends that have been willing to join me in my quest, so for today, I share with you something delicious and fairly healthy.

Roasted Cauliflower.

I have to tell you, its deliciousness is quite surprising...and the simplicity of the dish even better.

Very simply, I lightly coated a chopped up head of cauliflower in olive oil, tossed some crushed walnuts, threw it all on a cookie sheet with some salt and set the oven to 450. About 35 minutes later, took it out, piled it on a plate with a little lemon chevre and went to town.

There is no picture, 'cause I wolfed it down. Filling and DELISH. Highly recommend it.

Work It Out

This post is for the ladies...

It's that time again...a time when I decide that I should probably pay more attention to what I am eating, and attempt to do something more active than updating my Facebook status on a daily basis.

But I need encouragement.

Given my lack of quality local girl friends with whom I am happy to commiserate over my ever expanding posterior...or more accurately "midsterior" (?) I would like to recruit you to get fit with me.

Be the Gayle to my Oprah. The...hmmmph...there seems to be a lack of famous girl pairings. Probably because they all move to L.A., lose weight and become mean. Probably the hunger that does it to 'em.

To that end, we will lose only enough weight that we don't start hating each other. Or eating our own hair. 'Cause that would be bad.

Details on how this will work to come. But in the meantime, who's with me?

Geekin' It

I've lately been getting in touch with the geek within.

Being a mom, I've put a lot of interests and activities on hold. Having a youngster under the age of 2 is pretty consuming in itself, so hobbies and games tend to take a backseat.

Given the recent loss of my laptop, I had an opportunity to express my geekness in new hardware, so I jumped at the chance.

Behold. Quad core processor with liquid cooling system, 1 TB drive, and all sorts of goodness. Isn't he pretty?

While he currently is mostly in use for posting photos and video of the little man, there is the promise of game time and other geek worthy pursuits.

Listening to: Against All Odds by The Postal Service (peeps...I am seriously behind in my music, please send recommendations)

Oh yeah...

I neglected to mention - J got a job!

He started about 3 weeks ago, working as a network engineer for Florida Hospital. It is a one year contract with potential for putting him into something long term.

So, while we still aren't sitting in a situation where we have any certainty about the future yet (we still don't even know what is going to happen with our house) we are in a better place then we were. And for that I am very grateful.

Baby steps.

Hi-atus.

Hi.

I've been absent again. But I have the bestest excuse. Or worst excuse, depending on how you look at it. My laptop was stolen.

Yes. That's right.

And not from a laptop bag at a sketchy Starbucks (is there such a thing as a sketchy Starbucks?).

From my house.

A few weeks ago, as I was headed home from visiting a friend, I missed a call from my mother. I called right back to see what she needed and was greeted, not with a "hello" but with a rather tense sounding "where are you". My mother is not the type to call and rudely jump right into 20 questions, so I knew something must be wrong.

As it turns out, she was driving by my house and noticed a car in the driveway (not mine) and the door slightly ajar. Her first assumption was that I had a visitor who had just arrived. She paused momentarily, deciding whether or not she should stop and say hi, decided against it, and continued on to her house. Upon arriving home, which is about 30 seconds away, she rethought the situation and realized that my car was not there, so something was up. She turned the car back around and pulled up to my house, the foreign vehicle now gone. By the time I had returned her call, she was entering through my kicked in door and found Dudley (our dog) cowering and shivering in the bedroom, and all my bedroom drawers open. She grabbed Duds and took him to her house while calling the police.

By the time I got there, the police had arrived and were taking her statement. I then had to walk through with the officer to determine what was missing, damaged, etc and then write up my report. My laptop and most of my costume jewelry were gone, but likely due to the sound of my mom's car sitting in front of the house, nothing else was missing.

The worst part of it all is that feeling that you aren't safe in your own home. Locking the door really doesn't keep any one out. This feeling has made me jumpy and a bit sleepless the past few weeks, but I am getting better. So long as I don't have to sit in silence alone in the middle of the day.

In other news - Jonas took his first major trip. We flew to Seattle for my lovely, amazing, wonderful, there-aren't-enough-adjectives friend's wedding. And I DID post a blog entry about the favors I made for her wedding - but on her blog. So you can get caught up on that here.

Jonas was awesome on the very long, multi leg flight, thanks to a portable DVD player, Oswald, and The Wonder Pets.

Seattle itself suited him as well, as he woke, napped, and went to bed at perfect times. The downside was returning to Florida. He stayed on Seattle time up until about a week ago. I am pretty sure the lack of sleep I have endured in the past month has aged me a couple of years.

Listening to: The hum of my new computer (pictures to come)

Child Labor

Along with letters and numbers, it is important you teach your kid how to be useful at a young age.

I am looking forward to putting my house on "self clean" in the near future.